Life, if you'll notice, is a story. It comes to us the way a story does, scene by scene. You don't get to know it in advance - you have to enter, take the journey as it unfolds. It might be raining. There's a traffic jam. Your friends might call you out to chill. You might lose your job.
Life unfolds like drama. Each day has its own beginning and an end. There's all sorts of characters, all sort of settings. When one chapter closes, another begins. Sometimes, it feels like an adventure. Sometimes, a tragedy. Other times, a comedy or soap opera.
When it comes to figuring out this life you're living, you would do well to know the rest of the story. If you want to get to know someone, you need to know their story. Their life is a story. It, too unfolds in a series of scences over the course of time. Why is Grandpa so grumpy over us watching Japanese love dramas? Well, he's a P.O.W during the Japanese Occupation and while he was there, he saw some things he has never been able to forget.
I expect all of us, at one time or another, in an attempt to understand our lives or discover what we ought to do with ours, have gone to someone else with our stories. "Tell me what happened. Tell me your story and I'll try to help you make sense of it."
We humans share these lingering questions: "Who am I really? Why am I here? Where will I find life? What does God want of me? Where does it come from? This quest. This thirst. The need to solve life's mysteries with the simplest of questions. What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we are better off not looking at all. Not doubting. Not yearning. But there's not human nature... not the human heart. The answers to these questions seem to arrive only when we know the rest of the story. As Neo said in Matrix Reloaded," I just wish I knew what I'm supposed to do." If life is a story, what is the plot? What's your role to play? It would really be good, wouldn't it? What's this all about?
In most train stations and shopping malls, you can find a huge map with a big red star indicating 'You are here'. The maps offer vistors an orientation of their, more often than not, unfamiliar surroundings. Ahhh... so this is where you're in that picture. Hopefully you now know where to go. You have your bearings.
Doesn't it sound like something in our lives? "This is the story in which you found yourself in. Here's how it got started. Here's where it went wrong. Here's what will happen next. Now this - this is the role you've been given. If you want yo fulfil your destiny, this is what you must do. These are your cues. And here's how things are going to turn out in the end."
We can... we can discover the Story. Maybe not with perfect clarity and details... but some clarity would worth something... at least better than having nothing at all. What exactly are you clear on these days? How about your life - why have things gone the way they have? And do you know what you ought to do next, with a deep conviction and confidence that it will work out? Neither do I. I would love to wake up each morning knowing exactly who I am and where God's taking me. Zeroed in on all my relationships and undaunted in my calling. It's wonderful when I do see. But for most of us, life seems more like driving along a highway with a grimy windshield. I can sort of make out the shapes ahead and I think the light's green. You may know your destination but accidents do happen when fate deals you a bad card. Then one fine day, you realise not all things are within your control, just because you kept to the rules of the game. You can still be penalised for things you didn't commit.
We all share the same dilemma - we long for life and we're not sure where to find it. Our days spent on this earth come to us as a riddle, and answers aren't readily available. We must journey to find the life we prize. And the guide we have been given is the desire set deep within. The greatest life tragedy is to simply give up the search. To lose heart is to lose everything. There is a desire within each of us, in the deep centre of ourselves we call our heart. We are born with it, it is never satisfied, and it never dies. We're often unaware of it, but it is always awake... Our true identity, our reason for being, is to be found in this desire.
The clue to who we really are and why we're here comes to us through our heart's desire.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Making Sense of Destiny
Man is a narcissistic species by nature. We have colonized the four corners of our tiny planet. But we are not the pinnacle of so-called evolution. That honor belongs to the lowly cockroach. Capable of living for months without food. Remaining alive headless for weeks at a time. Resistant to radiation. If God has indeed created Himself in His own image, then I submit to you that God is a cockroach. They say that man uses only a tenth of his brain power. Another percent, and we might actually be worthy of God's image. Unless, of course, that day has already arrived. The Human Genome Project has discovered that tiny variations in man's genetic code are taking place at increasingly rapid rates. Teleportation, levitation, tissue regeneration. Is this outside the realm of possibility? Or is man entering a new gateway to evolution? Is he finally standing at the threshold to true human potential?
In this world we live in, the only constant is change. Only when we learn to cope with life's changes, can we adapt, learn, evolve and ultimately survive.
Sometimes questions are more powerful than answers. How is this happening? What are they? Why me and not others? Why now? What does it all mean? Is life really about making money, procreation and leaving a legacy?
Where does it come from, this quest? This need to solve life's mysteries, when the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What's our purpose, if not to be born, to live, to study, to work, have a family, fall sick and die? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all. Not doubting, not yearning. Just accepting. But that's not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here. To be curious, always. Inquisitive about the meaning of life. That's human nature.
You do not choose your destiny, it chooses you. And those that knew you before Fate took you by the hand cannot understand the depth of the changes inside. They cannot fathom how much you stand to lose in failure...that you are the instrument of flawless Design. And all of life may hang in the balance. The chosen One learns quickly who can comprehend and who merely stands in your way.
The Earth is big. Big enough that you think you can hide from anything. From Fate. From God. If only you found a place far enough away. So you run. To the edge of the Earth. Where all is safe again. Quiet, and warm. The solace of salt air. The peace of danger left behind. The luxury of grief. And maybe, for a moment, you believe you have escaped.
We are, if anything, creatures of habit. Drawn to the safety and the comfort of the similar. But what happens when the familiar becomes unsafe? When the fear that we've been desperately trying to avoid, finds us where we live?
In the beginning there was discovery. A confusion of elements. The first snowfall of impossible change. Old lives undone, left behind. Strange faces, made familiar. New nightmares, to challenge sleep. New friends, to feel safe with. Only then comes control. To feel safe and secure among familiar souls while we make sense of the chaos that's going on around us. Violence, school gunning, suicide bombs, floods, hunger, global warming and terrorism. I think, most of us, deep down, is sensing something's not quite right with this planet. The need to impose order unto chaos, through familiarity through determination, through study, through struggle. All in defiance of a thundering truth, they’re here. And the earth shudders underfoot.
To destiny. May we recognize it when we see it.
In this world we live in, the only constant is change. Only when we learn to cope with life's changes, can we adapt, learn, evolve and ultimately survive.
Sometimes questions are more powerful than answers. How is this happening? What are they? Why me and not others? Why now? What does it all mean? Is life really about making money, procreation and leaving a legacy?
Where does it come from, this quest? This need to solve life's mysteries, when the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What's our purpose, if not to be born, to live, to study, to work, have a family, fall sick and die? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all. Not doubting, not yearning. Just accepting. But that's not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here. To be curious, always. Inquisitive about the meaning of life. That's human nature.
You do not choose your destiny, it chooses you. And those that knew you before Fate took you by the hand cannot understand the depth of the changes inside. They cannot fathom how much you stand to lose in failure...that you are the instrument of flawless Design. And all of life may hang in the balance. The chosen One learns quickly who can comprehend and who merely stands in your way.
The Earth is big. Big enough that you think you can hide from anything. From Fate. From God. If only you found a place far enough away. So you run. To the edge of the Earth. Where all is safe again. Quiet, and warm. The solace of salt air. The peace of danger left behind. The luxury of grief. And maybe, for a moment, you believe you have escaped.
We are, if anything, creatures of habit. Drawn to the safety and the comfort of the similar. But what happens when the familiar becomes unsafe? When the fear that we've been desperately trying to avoid, finds us where we live?
In the beginning there was discovery. A confusion of elements. The first snowfall of impossible change. Old lives undone, left behind. Strange faces, made familiar. New nightmares, to challenge sleep. New friends, to feel safe with. Only then comes control. To feel safe and secure among familiar souls while we make sense of the chaos that's going on around us. Violence, school gunning, suicide bombs, floods, hunger, global warming and terrorism. I think, most of us, deep down, is sensing something's not quite right with this planet. The need to impose order unto chaos, through familiarity through determination, through study, through struggle. All in defiance of a thundering truth, they’re here. And the earth shudders underfoot.
To destiny. May we recognize it when we see it.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
So What's Your Response?
As you read this blog, try to stand apart from yourself. Project your consciousness upward into a corner of the room and see yourself, staring at the computer screen. Can you look at yourself as though you were someone else?
Now think about the mood you are now in. Can you identify it? How are you feeling? What's your current state of mind?
Your ability to do what you just did is uniquely human. Animals do not possess this ability. "Self-awareness" or the ability to think about your very thought process, is the reason why Man rules the world and not apes. This is why we can evaluate and learn from others' experiences as well as our own. This is also why we can make or break our habits. If you are a fan of "Terminator" trilogy movies, you would have known that the machines took over the world the day they became 'self-aware'.
Self-awareness enablese us to stand apart and examine the way we "see" ourselves and this world we live in - our self-paradigm, is the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness. It affects not only our attitudes and behaviours, but also how we see other people. Until we take how see ourselves and others, we will be unable to understand how others see amd feel about themselves and the way they see this world. Unaware, we will project out intentions on their behaviour and call ourselves " objective". This significantly restrict our potential and ability to relate to others.
There are 2 major paradigms: 1) Environment or Condition-based (REACTIVE) and 2) Reality or value-based (PROACTIVE).
1) We are who we're today is largely determined by what happened to us in our childhood and past experiences, inherited through genes and present environment (someone or something in your environment is responsible for your condition). The basic idea behind this REACTIVE theory is that we are conditioned to respond in a particular way to a certain stimulus.
STIMULUS ==> RESPONSE
2) We are who we are today is largely because of how we run our lives. It shifts the responsibility of the REACTIVE theory (of how our environment shapes us) to 'we are responsible' for our own lives'. Our behaviour is a direct result of the choices, decisions we made for ourselves. We have the initiative, responsiblity and power to make things happen, turn things around.
Victor Fankl is a good example of a person possessing this proactive mentality. Frankl is a psychiatrist and a Jew being held capitve in the death camps of Nazi Germany, where he had seen and experienced things so repulsive and inhuman that we shudder to repeat them. One day, naked and alone in a small cell lock-up, he begin to become aware of the "last of human freedom" - freedom his Nazi tormentors couldn't take away from him. He could decide within himself how this was going to affect him. He has empower himself instead of allowing what has happened to him take control. In the midst of his experiences, Frankl help others find meaning in their suffering and dignity in their 'living-hellish' prison existence.
Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.
Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions or conditioning for their behaviour. Their behaviour is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions which is based on feeling. Unlike reactive people, proactive people choose NOT to empower their environment to control them.
Difference bet. Reactive and Proactive People
Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and performance. Proactive people carry their own weather with them. Whether it rains or shines makes no difference to them. They are value-driven and if their value is to produce good quality work, it isn't a function of whether the weather is conducive ot not.
Reactive people are also affected by their social environment, by the 'social weather'. When people treat them well, they feel well; when people don't, they become defensive and protective. Reactive people build their emotional lives around the behaviour of others, empowering the weaknesses of other people to control them.
Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by environment and by what happened to them. Proactive people are driven by values and principles - meticulously thought and internalized values. Don't get me wrong, proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli - physical, social or psychological. But the difference is their RESPONSE to the stimuli
It is a value-based choice.
Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can hurt you without your consent."
In the words of Gandhi, "They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give in to them."
It is our willing permission, or consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happens to us in the first place.
Until a person can say honestly and responsibly, "I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday," that person cannot say, "I choose otherwise." because each of us has a responsibilty to face the result of the decisions we made in the past, be it right or wrong.
Now think about the mood you are now in. Can you identify it? How are you feeling? What's your current state of mind?
Your ability to do what you just did is uniquely human. Animals do not possess this ability. "Self-awareness" or the ability to think about your very thought process, is the reason why Man rules the world and not apes. This is why we can evaluate and learn from others' experiences as well as our own. This is also why we can make or break our habits. If you are a fan of "Terminator" trilogy movies, you would have known that the machines took over the world the day they became 'self-aware'.
Self-awareness enablese us to stand apart and examine the way we "see" ourselves and this world we live in - our self-paradigm, is the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness. It affects not only our attitudes and behaviours, but also how we see other people. Until we take how see ourselves and others, we will be unable to understand how others see amd feel about themselves and the way they see this world. Unaware, we will project out intentions on their behaviour and call ourselves " objective". This significantly restrict our potential and ability to relate to others.
There are 2 major paradigms: 1) Environment or Condition-based (REACTIVE) and 2) Reality or value-based (PROACTIVE).
1) We are who we're today is largely determined by what happened to us in our childhood and past experiences, inherited through genes and present environment (someone or something in your environment is responsible for your condition). The basic idea behind this REACTIVE theory is that we are conditioned to respond in a particular way to a certain stimulus.
STIMULUS ==> RESPONSE
2) We are who we are today is largely because of how we run our lives. It shifts the responsibility of the REACTIVE theory (of how our environment shapes us) to 'we are responsible' for our own lives'. Our behaviour is a direct result of the choices, decisions we made for ourselves. We have the initiative, responsiblity and power to make things happen, turn things around.
STIMULUS ==> FREEDOM TO CHOOSE ==> RESPONSE
(Self-Awareness, Imagination, Conscience, INdependent Will)Victor Fankl is a good example of a person possessing this proactive mentality. Frankl is a psychiatrist and a Jew being held capitve in the death camps of Nazi Germany, where he had seen and experienced things so repulsive and inhuman that we shudder to repeat them. One day, naked and alone in a small cell lock-up, he begin to become aware of the "last of human freedom" - freedom his Nazi tormentors couldn't take away from him. He could decide within himself how this was going to affect him. He has empower himself instead of allowing what has happened to him take control. In the midst of his experiences, Frankl help others find meaning in their suffering and dignity in their 'living-hellish' prison existence.
Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.
Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions or conditioning for their behaviour. Their behaviour is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions which is based on feeling. Unlike reactive people, proactive people choose NOT to empower their environment to control them.
Difference bet. Reactive and Proactive People
Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and performance. Proactive people carry their own weather with them. Whether it rains or shines makes no difference to them. They are value-driven and if their value is to produce good quality work, it isn't a function of whether the weather is conducive ot not.
Reactive people are also affected by their social environment, by the 'social weather'. When people treat them well, they feel well; when people don't, they become defensive and protective. Reactive people build their emotional lives around the behaviour of others, empowering the weaknesses of other people to control them.
Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by environment and by what happened to them. Proactive people are driven by values and principles - meticulously thought and internalized values. Don't get me wrong, proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli - physical, social or psychological. But the difference is their RESPONSE to the stimuli
It is a value-based choice.
Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can hurt you without your consent."
In the words of Gandhi, "They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give in to them."
It is our willing permission, or consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happens to us in the first place.
Until a person can say honestly and responsibly, "I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday," that person cannot say, "I choose otherwise." because each of us has a responsibilty to face the result of the decisions we made in the past, be it right or wrong.
Monday, December 04, 2006
StandChart Singapore Marathon 2006... Outdo Yourself
Reasons for running:
1) An excuse to buy new shoes
2) To eat Snickers ice-cream... guilt-free
3) I'm a believer... Are you?
4) A gorgeous babe asked me to run with her every Sunday morning
5) 4D Sun - 6649 (His no. tag was 66491)
With different motivations.... different reasons.... from all walks of life.... nationalities.... skin colour.... people gathered to run the annual race dubbed "The Greatest Race on Earth" A seemingly familiar sight at the City Hall/Esplanade start/end point. It's kinda weird to witness so many people (a record number of 30,000 participants this time) in the wee hours of a Sunday morning assembled at a single point for a single purpose of completing a foot race. Lines formed outside the mobile toilets. Chatter. Participants doing warm-ups by the roadside. The adrenaline-pumped atmosphere was buzzing with trepidation and excitement. At the starting point, the commentators' ranted out of the loudhailers in an attempt to drum up the spirits of the crowds whom have thronged the road stretch outside the Esplanade. The air was heavy and hot. The anticipation was killing us. Then we heard the horn sounded. It's time.
Concentrate on breathing. Huff. Puff. Huff. Deep breaths. Enjoy the surroundings. Soak in the excitement. Join in the fun. Before long, I realise I was talking to myself. Well... with no mp3 player to accompany and nobody to talk to, running can be a pretty lonely and boring affair. At least, the scenery at Marina South lifted my spirits. Interesting characters like Spidey and the lady dragging a styrofoam box atop a tyre attached with a can (you can imagine the weight, the attention and noise she's causing; and for a good cause too... she's campaigning for recycling awareness) enlivened the run.
I was doing pretty okay... till the 12 km mark. Then the lactic acid buildup in the muscles began to take its toll. My leg joints, ankles and knees ached as my body signalled its protest. From 15km mark onwards, the journey markers seemed to come later and later, though they were only 1 km apart.... as a result of me slowing down. More than once, the thoughts of giving up and start walking floated. And I buried those thoughts. That's when they say... it's all 'mental' from now till the finishing line. Mind over body. C'mon! Don't give up. "No pain" and "For Jesus" are the words that resonated in my mind during those agonizing moment. I promised God I'll complete the half marathon without stopping and no drinks. I was psyching myself up by telling myself it was no pain... compared to the one my Father suffered. No pain... no gain.
Temptations were aplenty. People stopping at the drinks station and taking a breather by the side of the running route. And when you are tired... the mind start playing tricks on you. A lot of possibilities Stop and rest! Have a sip of water, you're thirsty. Your throat felt very dry and your lips are parched. You deserve a drink. And I finally succumbed to the drinks 'taunting' and took half a cup of water. Bad mistake! I had stitches within 20 mins after drinking. Drats! Still I carried on... praying that it would go away in time. And it did! Towards the end, my mind was with the full marathoners.... how did they manage to finish it... I was actually contemplating of doing the full next year. I truly hoped 2007 will be a good year to finally do it, provided with adequate, effective training and proper rest. This year at least I can say that my feet never stop running the minute the horn sounded.
The feeling of reaching the finishing line has never been that inviting and welcoming before! With jellied legs and awkward swaying posture, I plonked myself by the side of the road... catching my breath and untying to get the time chip out of my shoe. The world spun a bit and stumbling to my feet, I exchanged the chip for the runners' medal. It was a test of faith for some... a personal challenge for others. For myself, nothing is more satisfying than setting a goal and despite the difficult circumstances, achieving it... for Him. At least I know in the deep resides of my heart, I do believe... worshipping and praising with actions and not exclusively on the lips. To actually do it, you experience the pain (or part of it) and that you certainly cannot understand by watching a movie, listening to a sermon, reading the word or singing a song.
His Providence was real... so was His love.
A believer I am... Are you?
1) An excuse to buy new shoes
2) To eat Snickers ice-cream... guilt-free
3) I'm a believer... Are you?
4) A gorgeous babe asked me to run with her every Sunday morning
5) 4D Sun - 6649 (His no. tag was 66491)
With different motivations.... different reasons.... from all walks of life.... nationalities.... skin colour.... people gathered to run the annual race dubbed "The Greatest Race on Earth" A seemingly familiar sight at the City Hall/Esplanade start/end point. It's kinda weird to witness so many people (a record number of 30,000 participants this time) in the wee hours of a Sunday morning assembled at a single point for a single purpose of completing a foot race. Lines formed outside the mobile toilets. Chatter. Participants doing warm-ups by the roadside. The adrenaline-pumped atmosphere was buzzing with trepidation and excitement. At the starting point, the commentators' ranted out of the loudhailers in an attempt to drum up the spirits of the crowds whom have thronged the road stretch outside the Esplanade. The air was heavy and hot. The anticipation was killing us. Then we heard the horn sounded. It's time.
Concentrate on breathing. Huff. Puff. Huff. Deep breaths. Enjoy the surroundings. Soak in the excitement. Join in the fun. Before long, I realise I was talking to myself. Well... with no mp3 player to accompany and nobody to talk to, running can be a pretty lonely and boring affair. At least, the scenery at Marina South lifted my spirits. Interesting characters like Spidey and the lady dragging a styrofoam box atop a tyre attached with a can (you can imagine the weight, the attention and noise she's causing; and for a good cause too... she's campaigning for recycling awareness) enlivened the run.
I was doing pretty okay... till the 12 km mark. Then the lactic acid buildup in the muscles began to take its toll. My leg joints, ankles and knees ached as my body signalled its protest. From 15km mark onwards, the journey markers seemed to come later and later, though they were only 1 km apart.... as a result of me slowing down. More than once, the thoughts of giving up and start walking floated. And I buried those thoughts. That's when they say... it's all 'mental' from now till the finishing line. Mind over body. C'mon! Don't give up. "No pain" and "For Jesus" are the words that resonated in my mind during those agonizing moment. I promised God I'll complete the half marathon without stopping and no drinks. I was psyching myself up by telling myself it was no pain... compared to the one my Father suffered. No pain... no gain.
Temptations were aplenty. People stopping at the drinks station and taking a breather by the side of the running route. And when you are tired... the mind start playing tricks on you. A lot of possibilities Stop and rest! Have a sip of water, you're thirsty. Your throat felt very dry and your lips are parched. You deserve a drink. And I finally succumbed to the drinks 'taunting' and took half a cup of water. Bad mistake! I had stitches within 20 mins after drinking. Drats! Still I carried on... praying that it would go away in time. And it did! Towards the end, my mind was with the full marathoners.... how did they manage to finish it... I was actually contemplating of doing the full next year. I truly hoped 2007 will be a good year to finally do it, provided with adequate, effective training and proper rest. This year at least I can say that my feet never stop running the minute the horn sounded.
The feeling of reaching the finishing line has never been that inviting and welcoming before! With jellied legs and awkward swaying posture, I plonked myself by the side of the road... catching my breath and untying to get the time chip out of my shoe. The world spun a bit and stumbling to my feet, I exchanged the chip for the runners' medal. It was a test of faith for some... a personal challenge for others. For myself, nothing is more satisfying than setting a goal and despite the difficult circumstances, achieving it... for Him. At least I know in the deep resides of my heart, I do believe... worshipping and praising with actions and not exclusively on the lips. To actually do it, you experience the pain (or part of it) and that you certainly cannot understand by watching a movie, listening to a sermon, reading the word or singing a song.
His Providence was real... so was His love.
A believer I am... Are you?
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Take from an Industry Veteran
My boss, a veteran in the brokerage business and a respected man in his field (sits on several financial boards and often gave interviews to the press), gave us newbies a so-called induction speech recently... which I think is pretty truthful and humbling for anyone who wants to survive the corporate jungle out there, particularly in the sales industry. The following are essential pointers I took from his presentation:
1) You & Your Customer
- Your investing style versus that of your customer
You have to establish a rapport with your client. You need to have certain quality that your client trust and have confidence in, at least enough to put their money with. In a nutshell, you have to make your client like you. Question is: how to? You look to your left and your right. Your colleagues are certainly much uglier than you, lesser of a smooth talker than you're and definitely have a worser dress sense. You thought you know more, looks better and talks better. But strangely enough, you don't attract higher margins than the one beside you. What's wrong? You may be having the wrong bunch of clientele on hand that just doesn't click with you.
If you're the sort that likes to entertain clients in pubs or KTVs or enjoys the vibrant night life of our island city, your portfolio of clientele should comprises of such people. If you're the geek or bookworm type who loaths such places and only orders Coke or orange juice at pubs, then your clientle should ideally comprises a majority of the non-drinking groupies.
Let's face it, you can't possibly LIKE every single person on the face of the Earth. You can try faking it. But faking won't stand the trial of time. People can see through fakers. Recognize that people are attracted to specfic kinds of character that exudes a certain appeal.
- Don't make nuisance call
Take view of the market. Prepare your pitch to the client. Always do your homework. The last thing you want your client to have is an impression of a dealer dying to close a trade and making a last ditch to push up his/her quarterly sales figures. If you aren't adding value to the client, you're just another nuisance call he/she has to deal with. A bad experience is enough to make the client avoid your calls and emails from that time onwards. And forget about hearing from him/her, ever again.
- Your client pays to blame you
Things can and will go wrong. Question is: what went wrong and who's responsibility is it? Instinctively, as human beings, it's always outward-looking when it comes to the blaming game. Our mentality is: as long as someone gets the blame, we're off the hook. So in the event of something really goes wrong, you need to find something or someone to cover your ass with. Some of you may know what I'm talking about. There're people out there who are extremely good at covering their trail. For newbie trader like us, we've got the liberty to blame research reports. In the brokerage business context, when we say things go wrong, usually we're talking about losses in the monetary sense. Of course, no one complains when they make gains. The problem arises when they lose. They will blame you. They need a reason to justify their losses. And as a dealer representative, you're first to face the firing squad.
The power of money is phenomenal. It can change people. People who are personally involved in the trading of their own money get emotionally attached to the rise and fall of the market. Active investment trading has the same magical effect on people as gambling does. Greed, fear, panic and hope. A normally nice person can suddenly turn the tables against you. You're being accused of the main culprit in causing your client to lose money. They feel cheated. They take it out on you. The torrent of verbal abuse can sometimes be very personal and stinging. Just one bad incident at the office can spoil your day and leave you in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Veterans brokers have advised us not to take your work home. Leave your emotions at the workplace. Easier said than done apparently. If it's so simple to let go of your baggage, we will see road rage, depression and mental cases going down instead of skyrocketing isn't it? You can't just wave the magic wand and wish it go away.
Finger-pointing is such a common phenomenon in the working world. Just make sure that when you point your finger at someone, the 4 other fingers doesn't point back at yourself.
In short, there should be a fit between you and your client, considering the long-term win-win situation for both of you. You sub-consciously tag certain labels to your clients. He's a punter type... my kind of 'preferred' client. They come in fast and furious.... lose their pants and gone like the wind. Next. She's a just a housewife... she won't know the difference between a blue-chip and a penny stock. That old ah pek always calls and asks, "Eh... this stock... can buy or not AH?"Oh, not him again... What does he want?" when you see his name flashing on your handphone. In the end, you spent 30 mins talking to a fellow who speaks like 60 words per min and only gave you minimal commission. The implication is clear-cut. A choice is made here. You spend more time talking to people who contribute a larger portion of your pay and lesser time to those who don't. In economic lingo, it's called 'maximising returns'.
- "Show me the MONEY"
In the brokerage or any sales job, results counts. Your immediate superior may not like your face. She thinks you've got a serious attitude problem. She doesn't like your sloppiness, can't stand the way you talk over the phone, the more-than-desirable occasional M.C, etc. But as long as your customer doesn't have any problems digesting their food while hearing you present your case, you generate income for the company, your customer who pays your salary, and bonuses (mind you) are ultimately YOUR BOSS whom you serve. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter your superior likes and treats your colleague better than you. Whoever brings in the bigger dough is the winner. You take home a bigger paycheck. Yes, it's a cruel, dog-eat-dog world out there. So what if you're a nice guy, pleases the boss by licking his boots. Favoritism doesn't last in the sales industry. Your sales determine your market value. Not your boss.
2) 3 Kinds of People
-MAKE things happen
-WATCH what happens
-WONDER what has happened
We must always bear in mind to progress from 'wondering' to 'watching' and finally 'making' and not move in the reverse order.
In a jungle, you either eat or get eaten. You've got to feed to survive and at the same time, avoid becoming a meal for predators.
1) You & Your Customer
- Your investing style versus that of your customer
You have to establish a rapport with your client. You need to have certain quality that your client trust and have confidence in, at least enough to put their money with. In a nutshell, you have to make your client like you. Question is: how to? You look to your left and your right. Your colleagues are certainly much uglier than you, lesser of a smooth talker than you're and definitely have a worser dress sense. You thought you know more, looks better and talks better. But strangely enough, you don't attract higher margins than the one beside you. What's wrong? You may be having the wrong bunch of clientele on hand that just doesn't click with you.
If you're the sort that likes to entertain clients in pubs or KTVs or enjoys the vibrant night life of our island city, your portfolio of clientele should comprises of such people. If you're the geek or bookworm type who loaths such places and only orders Coke or orange juice at pubs, then your clientle should ideally comprises a majority of the non-drinking groupies.
Let's face it, you can't possibly LIKE every single person on the face of the Earth. You can try faking it. But faking won't stand the trial of time. People can see through fakers. Recognize that people are attracted to specfic kinds of character that exudes a certain appeal.
- Don't make nuisance call
Take view of the market. Prepare your pitch to the client. Always do your homework. The last thing you want your client to have is an impression of a dealer dying to close a trade and making a last ditch to push up his/her quarterly sales figures. If you aren't adding value to the client, you're just another nuisance call he/she has to deal with. A bad experience is enough to make the client avoid your calls and emails from that time onwards. And forget about hearing from him/her, ever again.
- Your client pays to blame you
Things can and will go wrong. Question is: what went wrong and who's responsibility is it? Instinctively, as human beings, it's always outward-looking when it comes to the blaming game. Our mentality is: as long as someone gets the blame, we're off the hook. So in the event of something really goes wrong, you need to find something or someone to cover your ass with. Some of you may know what I'm talking about. There're people out there who are extremely good at covering their trail. For newbie trader like us, we've got the liberty to blame research reports. In the brokerage business context, when we say things go wrong, usually we're talking about losses in the monetary sense. Of course, no one complains when they make gains. The problem arises when they lose. They will blame you. They need a reason to justify their losses. And as a dealer representative, you're first to face the firing squad.
The power of money is phenomenal. It can change people. People who are personally involved in the trading of their own money get emotionally attached to the rise and fall of the market. Active investment trading has the same magical effect on people as gambling does. Greed, fear, panic and hope. A normally nice person can suddenly turn the tables against you. You're being accused of the main culprit in causing your client to lose money. They feel cheated. They take it out on you. The torrent of verbal abuse can sometimes be very personal and stinging. Just one bad incident at the office can spoil your day and leave you in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Veterans brokers have advised us not to take your work home. Leave your emotions at the workplace. Easier said than done apparently. If it's so simple to let go of your baggage, we will see road rage, depression and mental cases going down instead of skyrocketing isn't it? You can't just wave the magic wand and wish it go away.
Finger-pointing is such a common phenomenon in the working world. Just make sure that when you point your finger at someone, the 4 other fingers doesn't point back at yourself.
In short, there should be a fit between you and your client, considering the long-term win-win situation for both of you. You sub-consciously tag certain labels to your clients. He's a punter type... my kind of 'preferred' client. They come in fast and furious.... lose their pants and gone like the wind. Next. She's a just a housewife... she won't know the difference between a blue-chip and a penny stock. That old ah pek always calls and asks, "Eh... this stock... can buy or not AH?"Oh, not him again... What does he want?" when you see his name flashing on your handphone. In the end, you spent 30 mins talking to a fellow who speaks like 60 words per min and only gave you minimal commission. The implication is clear-cut. A choice is made here. You spend more time talking to people who contribute a larger portion of your pay and lesser time to those who don't. In economic lingo, it's called 'maximising returns'.
- "Show me the MONEY"
In the brokerage or any sales job, results counts. Your immediate superior may not like your face. She thinks you've got a serious attitude problem. She doesn't like your sloppiness, can't stand the way you talk over the phone, the more-than-desirable occasional M.C, etc. But as long as your customer doesn't have any problems digesting their food while hearing you present your case, you generate income for the company, your customer who pays your salary, and bonuses (mind you) are ultimately YOUR BOSS whom you serve. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter your superior likes and treats your colleague better than you. Whoever brings in the bigger dough is the winner. You take home a bigger paycheck. Yes, it's a cruel, dog-eat-dog world out there. So what if you're a nice guy, pleases the boss by licking his boots. Favoritism doesn't last in the sales industry. Your sales determine your market value. Not your boss.
2) 3 Kinds of People
-MAKE things happen
-WATCH what happens
-WONDER what has happened
We must always bear in mind to progress from 'wondering' to 'watching' and finally 'making' and not move in the reverse order.
In a jungle, you either eat or get eaten. You've got to feed to survive and at the same time, avoid becoming a meal for predators.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Guilty As Sin
I hated being accused of something I didn't do. Being accused of a mistake through no fault of yours can be the worst feeling one can get. And it always seem that a lump get stuck down your throat. It feels as though God suddenly struck you dumb. Nothing comes out and it gives the tormentor more ammunition and satisfaction to rant on and on and on... coz he feels that the reason you're keeping mum is you're wrong and he now got the right to speak his mind.
Somehow, from childhood, I always get the blame. And when I grew up, I tend to be more accomodating and tolerant towards stuffs that happen around me. Perhaps I'm slow to articulate, didn't know how to defend myself and didn't want to come forth as a confrontational person. I think it's time to stand up and say things like, "Hey, I'm no pushover. I'm not intimidated by whoever you are. You can be my senior, my boss, but status doesn't gain you respect; how you carry yourself does. I've my rights too!"
Sad to say, even in the 21st century where we're right now, the problem that plagued our ancestors still haunt us today, even with the advent of technology like Bluetooth, Skype, e-mail - miscommunication; and I believe this will go on for future generations to come. Technology can't solve everything. At least not this, from what I see, not now, not ever. I quote from a powerpoint presentation someone sent me recently, "Know that 2 persons can see the SAME thing and yet have entirely DIFFERENT interpretions." The fundamental problem of communication still baffles us even with more gadgets and infrastructure in place. This thought always comes to mind, "Did he heard wrongly or did I not make myself clear? Somehow the message got lost in space. Lost in translation" This lead to many a misunderstandling and the way people react to it may result in strained work relations.
It never fails to amaze me how people can carry grudges in their hearts for years. They remember who had wounded them. The memory is etched deep within the inner walls of their heart. And they can't let go of the hatchet. So each time they see that person, they are reminded of the old hurt till it burns. And I'm actually ashamed to say that it's not exclusive to ladies. I know a pair of my college guy classmates who didn't talk to each other for 2 whole years just because one guy stood the other up once. And they were close friends for more than 2 years before that. Thankfully, they've reconciled, but not before we graduated from college. So who's childish now, who's the big baby? Are we adults, being so-called more 'intellectually developed' worse off than our children? C'mon, grow up! Didn't we encourage those kids who got into fights in school to shake hands and be friends again? Why can't we do that for ourselves? Well, if I were first to say sorry, it would mean I admit I'm at fault right? It always boils down to that pride issue uh... I won't burge until he offers an apology. I guess that's why Christ descended with forgiveness and love. If we could save ourselves, we wouldn't need a Saviour, would we?
Jesus once set a guilty woman free from her accusers by showing that the people who were judging her were just as guilty of sin as she was. “All right, stone her,” he said to the religious leaders who were ready, with stones in hand, to deliver the judgment she indeed deserved.
“But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!” John 8:7 NLT
This incident shows us something very important about our purpose as Christians living in a world of sinners. Our job is not to pass judgment on sinners, but to identify with them. The Pharisees and religious leaders were trying to separate themselves from this sinful woman they had found in the act of committing adultery. By judging her, they were going to be able to feel much better about themselves. Jesus put a stop to their little charade by putting them in the same boat with the woman they were accusing. They were just as guilty.
It is so tempting to think, especially after being a Christian for a while and spending a lot of time around Christians, that you are better than other people. You start to separate yourself from sinners, forgetting it was your sin that brought you to Christ in the first place. I know this because I’m so good at it.
The Gospel comes best from people who identify with the sins of others, because they have become so familiar with their own sins. It is noted in the account that as the self-righteous leaders were convicted by the presence of sin in their own lives, “they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest.” John 8:9 NLT
That makes sense. The oldest should be the ones most aware of their own sinfulness. There comes a time in your life when you can’t fool yourself anymore. There were probably a few young, arrogant idealists who hung on as long as possible, but even they had to finally give in to the truth about their own guilt.
The proliferation of both spoken and unspoken judgment found primarily within us, the Church, has forced many into the world, unarmed and without knowing a Christian friend and mutual sinner. We are constantly trying to separate ourselves from a world that Jesus wants us in. Not only that, he wants us to see our own sin and not make such a big fuss over everyone else’s. We seem to always use a different moral scale for ourselves and for others. We tend to be more lenient on ourselves and stricter and more harsh on other people's sins. We always think he or she is a bigger sinner than I am. That's why our prayers are sometimes focused on other people's struggles, rather than our own. We need to pray for our sins as well. Our sin is our connection with our neighbor, our salvation is our hope, and the good news of the Gospel is our message.
People can spot a mile away the hypocrisy of the Gospel of forgiveness of sin coming from someone who thinks he himself doesn’t need it. Somehow somewhere, we've lost it. The meaning and significance of His redemption, of His Coming. We think just because we are Christians, we don't need His cloak of forgiveness as much as non-believers. Ya, we're bigger than those minor sins like gambling, pornography and addiction. We have overcome those. They don't bother me anymore. Often we let our guard down. And the enemy loves to strike when we least expected. Christians need to realise that they are as vulnerable to sin as any other non-believer. Your arrogance and overconfidence may cause your downfall. You are your worst enemy. That's why we need a daily dose of His love, His Word to sustain us thorough our daily battles. Claim His victory, sound the horn, raise the banner, we are more than overcomers!
“When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty.” Jeremiah 15:16
Anorexia and bulimia are mind-crippling diseases that only function where food is plentiful. There are way too many starving people on this Earth, but most of them can’t help it. Where they live there is not enough food to go around. It is ironically tragic that people can starve to death in the midst of plenty.
What happens in the physical world is almost always an illustration of something like it in spiritual realms. And in spiritual terms, there is nothing more tragic than to have Christians starving spiritually with an overabundance of Bibles and teachers everywhere.
I don’t know a lot about anorexia and bulimia, but I do know that they are fueled by a culture that glorifies being thin, and that those who purposely starve themselves have a false view of themselves as being overweight. They look in the mirror and see a fat person regardless of how thin they are.
The quote comes to my mind, "I'm not who you think I'm. I'm who I think you think I'm." Make sense to you? We're constantly shaped by how we think the world perceives us. Unless you live by yourself and is self-sufficient, as long as you interact with human beings, we're susceptible to imprisoning ourselves by our own assumptions and presumptions of what others think. Sometimes, we are confused as to who we really are. Identity crisis they call it. I know impressionable teenagers suffer frequently from that. Well, I did when I was that age. We all went through that phase in life. Becoming, or pretending to be someone I wasn't that is.
The spiritual implications are obvious here as well. Our culture is awash in its own shallowness. We even glory in it. Shallowness and stupidity are celebrated in many of our most popular movies. I worry that as democracies begin to flourish around the world, it seems that the lifestyle of American culture goes along with them through the power of music and entertainment. We are exporting our own emptiness. And yet when we look at ourselves in a spiritual way, we look fat with so much cultural Christianity. Never in history has a culture looked more Christian while being so spiritually dead. We are, indeed, the spiritually anorexic.
What changes this picture is a commitment to the truth of God’s Word and a constant diet of it in our spiritual lives. And you have to do this yourself. No one can save an anorexic person; each has to decide to eat. The Word of God is spiritual soul food, and if you are spiritually starved, that’s only because you are not eating. We need to get a more realistic view of ourselves. We may look fat to ourselves, but in truth, we are thin, near death, and we need to eat – and food is plentiful.
Just pick up your Bible and feed.
Somehow, from childhood, I always get the blame. And when I grew up, I tend to be more accomodating and tolerant towards stuffs that happen around me. Perhaps I'm slow to articulate, didn't know how to defend myself and didn't want to come forth as a confrontational person. I think it's time to stand up and say things like, "Hey, I'm no pushover. I'm not intimidated by whoever you are. You can be my senior, my boss, but status doesn't gain you respect; how you carry yourself does. I've my rights too!"
Sad to say, even in the 21st century where we're right now, the problem that plagued our ancestors still haunt us today, even with the advent of technology like Bluetooth, Skype, e-mail - miscommunication; and I believe this will go on for future generations to come. Technology can't solve everything. At least not this, from what I see, not now, not ever. I quote from a powerpoint presentation someone sent me recently, "Know that 2 persons can see the SAME thing and yet have entirely DIFFERENT interpretions." The fundamental problem of communication still baffles us even with more gadgets and infrastructure in place. This thought always comes to mind, "Did he heard wrongly or did I not make myself clear? Somehow the message got lost in space. Lost in translation" This lead to many a misunderstandling and the way people react to it may result in strained work relations.
It never fails to amaze me how people can carry grudges in their hearts for years. They remember who had wounded them. The memory is etched deep within the inner walls of their heart. And they can't let go of the hatchet. So each time they see that person, they are reminded of the old hurt till it burns. And I'm actually ashamed to say that it's not exclusive to ladies. I know a pair of my college guy classmates who didn't talk to each other for 2 whole years just because one guy stood the other up once. And they were close friends for more than 2 years before that. Thankfully, they've reconciled, but not before we graduated from college. So who's childish now, who's the big baby? Are we adults, being so-called more 'intellectually developed' worse off than our children? C'mon, grow up! Didn't we encourage those kids who got into fights in school to shake hands and be friends again? Why can't we do that for ourselves? Well, if I were first to say sorry, it would mean I admit I'm at fault right? It always boils down to that pride issue uh... I won't burge until he offers an apology. I guess that's why Christ descended with forgiveness and love. If we could save ourselves, we wouldn't need a Saviour, would we?
Jesus once set a guilty woman free from her accusers by showing that the people who were judging her were just as guilty of sin as she was. “All right, stone her,” he said to the religious leaders who were ready, with stones in hand, to deliver the judgment she indeed deserved.
“But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!” John 8:7 NLT
This incident shows us something very important about our purpose as Christians living in a world of sinners. Our job is not to pass judgment on sinners, but to identify with them. The Pharisees and religious leaders were trying to separate themselves from this sinful woman they had found in the act of committing adultery. By judging her, they were going to be able to feel much better about themselves. Jesus put a stop to their little charade by putting them in the same boat with the woman they were accusing. They were just as guilty.
It is so tempting to think, especially after being a Christian for a while and spending a lot of time around Christians, that you are better than other people. You start to separate yourself from sinners, forgetting it was your sin that brought you to Christ in the first place. I know this because I’m so good at it.
The Gospel comes best from people who identify with the sins of others, because they have become so familiar with their own sins. It is noted in the account that as the self-righteous leaders were convicted by the presence of sin in their own lives, “they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest.” John 8:9 NLT
That makes sense. The oldest should be the ones most aware of their own sinfulness. There comes a time in your life when you can’t fool yourself anymore. There were probably a few young, arrogant idealists who hung on as long as possible, but even they had to finally give in to the truth about their own guilt.
The proliferation of both spoken and unspoken judgment found primarily within us, the Church, has forced many into the world, unarmed and without knowing a Christian friend and mutual sinner. We are constantly trying to separate ourselves from a world that Jesus wants us in. Not only that, he wants us to see our own sin and not make such a big fuss over everyone else’s. We seem to always use a different moral scale for ourselves and for others. We tend to be more lenient on ourselves and stricter and more harsh on other people's sins. We always think he or she is a bigger sinner than I am. That's why our prayers are sometimes focused on other people's struggles, rather than our own. We need to pray for our sins as well. Our sin is our connection with our neighbor, our salvation is our hope, and the good news of the Gospel is our message.
People can spot a mile away the hypocrisy of the Gospel of forgiveness of sin coming from someone who thinks he himself doesn’t need it. Somehow somewhere, we've lost it. The meaning and significance of His redemption, of His Coming. We think just because we are Christians, we don't need His cloak of forgiveness as much as non-believers. Ya, we're bigger than those minor sins like gambling, pornography and addiction. We have overcome those. They don't bother me anymore. Often we let our guard down. And the enemy loves to strike when we least expected. Christians need to realise that they are as vulnerable to sin as any other non-believer. Your arrogance and overconfidence may cause your downfall. You are your worst enemy. That's why we need a daily dose of His love, His Word to sustain us thorough our daily battles. Claim His victory, sound the horn, raise the banner, we are more than overcomers!
“When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty.” Jeremiah 15:16
Anorexia and bulimia are mind-crippling diseases that only function where food is plentiful. There are way too many starving people on this Earth, but most of them can’t help it. Where they live there is not enough food to go around. It is ironically tragic that people can starve to death in the midst of plenty.
What happens in the physical world is almost always an illustration of something like it in spiritual realms. And in spiritual terms, there is nothing more tragic than to have Christians starving spiritually with an overabundance of Bibles and teachers everywhere.
I don’t know a lot about anorexia and bulimia, but I do know that they are fueled by a culture that glorifies being thin, and that those who purposely starve themselves have a false view of themselves as being overweight. They look in the mirror and see a fat person regardless of how thin they are.
The quote comes to my mind, "I'm not who you think I'm. I'm who I think you think I'm." Make sense to you? We're constantly shaped by how we think the world perceives us. Unless you live by yourself and is self-sufficient, as long as you interact with human beings, we're susceptible to imprisoning ourselves by our own assumptions and presumptions of what others think. Sometimes, we are confused as to who we really are. Identity crisis they call it. I know impressionable teenagers suffer frequently from that. Well, I did when I was that age. We all went through that phase in life. Becoming, or pretending to be someone I wasn't that is.
The spiritual implications are obvious here as well. Our culture is awash in its own shallowness. We even glory in it. Shallowness and stupidity are celebrated in many of our most popular movies. I worry that as democracies begin to flourish around the world, it seems that the lifestyle of American culture goes along with them through the power of music and entertainment. We are exporting our own emptiness. And yet when we look at ourselves in a spiritual way, we look fat with so much cultural Christianity. Never in history has a culture looked more Christian while being so spiritually dead. We are, indeed, the spiritually anorexic.
What changes this picture is a commitment to the truth of God’s Word and a constant diet of it in our spiritual lives. And you have to do this yourself. No one can save an anorexic person; each has to decide to eat. The Word of God is spiritual soul food, and if you are spiritually starved, that’s only because you are not eating. We need to get a more realistic view of ourselves. We may look fat to ourselves, but in truth, we are thin, near death, and we need to eat – and food is plentiful.
Just pick up your Bible and feed.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
When Meeting for Coffee Really Just Mean Meeting for Coffee
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be in an arranged marriage? A set-up union of 2 families. It seems to only happens to our grandparents' era or in Third World countries. You feel sad that these people doesn't have a liberty of choice. They don't get to choose who they want to spend with the rest of their lives. Yet, they are happy, or so it seems. Growing old together... this term sounds really chessy in today's society context. The S'pore Department of Statistics reports the divorce rate has doubled over the last decade, and as of 2003, for every 10 marriages registered in Singapore, almost 3 ended in divorce. The dysfunctional state of marriages is, sad to say, a normaly across the globe. Could be due to numerous social factors. Could it be that we are now spoilt for choice, in contrast to previous generations that seemed more content with the mate their parents chose on their behalf. "He got a Beemer convertible." "She's a Grade 8-er and has a Masters." "He's got chiselled looks... like a Greek God and irresistable charm." "She's got model looks and those bum seems as though they were fitted with a turbo locomotive." "He's a hunk. She's a babe." I could go on forever. There's always someone better out there. Period. Point is this: how are you gonna handle the reality that your partner will probably never measure up to those out there in the marketplace will determine the amount of bitterness and pent-up frustration and eventually how the relationship going to work out? How are you gonna reconcile the differences between those eligible singles in your workplace, in your social circle with the one right beside you. Face it: He'll never be simultaneously handsome enough, rich enough and free enough to spend quality time with her. Likewise, he grows sick of her constant mumblings, nagging and insecurity, coupled with wrinkles and after 3 kids, that pear-shaped bodyline.
Have you ever felt like you're being scrutinized or even, evaluated by the opposite sex? It's a weird feeling... looks, tick... humor, somewhat ok... stable job and income, barely make it... godly, tick... sense of responsibility, cross... drives a car, bonus points! From head to toes, the eyeballs rolled up and down. The eyeball-to-eyeball stare... feels like she can almost see through my thoughts. "How can I ditch her without her feeling lousy about herself."
I hated blind dates. The mental stress and heart palpatations before the date, only to return home hopes dashed. Talk about dealing with disappointments in life. Your mind is wrestling with the fact that what you thought she would be and how she is now, standing in front of you, in flesh and blood. Voices in your head you can't shut them off. But, she sounded all right on msn and on the phone. Drats! Looking at her now, she looked like she's in her thirties. Sigh. Somehow I wished guys don't go looks. Why can't we forgo the looks department... true beauty is not found skin deep. A friend told me once a coupl of years back, "You know, it's amazing I find man obsessed with finding the perfect one.The perfect one is a myth. IT doesn't exists. Look, human skin is only 2-3mm thick. Stripped off the skin, we basically all look the same, bloodied mass of flesh. Beneath our only 2-3mm skin, we look no different from one another. Color, skin condition, hair, looks is secondary." Words of wisdom. Sure, 'the inner beauty are more important than looks' and 'charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting' sermon. I remember that. Easier said than done. Guys are visual creatures. Stimulated by what we see, rather than the unseen. That's the way we're made and programmed by the great Creator. Personally, I admired those guys whose wives or girlfriends are erm... lesser 'visual-stimulating' than they are.
Coming back to blind dates. Not to mention the part where we've got to show the fake "You aren't what I've expected to be; but heck, it's only a meal and I need to pretend I'm still interested but there isn't really a chance I'll ever see her again in my life." smile.
A zillion electric currents bolted through the neurotic nerves in the grey matter.
"Quick Frank. Think of something intelligent to sustain the conversation. Don't look like an idiot just eating your food and keeping silent. Say something! Even though there seems to be no chemistry whatsoever. C'mon, there has to be something. Dig deeper." Your mind just went blank. Mental block. Execute Plan B.
You felt like confronting God, "Why did you let this happen to me? Is he or she really 'The One'?! What did I do to deserve this? I can't possibly accept this, Father. " Cracked your brains for creative excuses to get out of the place as soon as possible. "Oh, my friend just had a car accident. I need to rush to the hospital now. See ya!" "Oops, I've forgotten, I need to return the car to my brother later tonight as he is using it for a chalet. Keep in touch. By the way, don't call me... I will call you." When you got home, you just wanna hit the sack and hope that by the next morning, you'll forget the whole nightmarish episode. Rarely happens. As Forrest Gump cited, "Life's like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
During dates, we often come up with a pre-date checklist that we mentally tick against to make sure that he or she is "The One" ordained by God, sealed by fate, fused together by divine circumstances and bonded by a common destiny. The ultimate question boils down to: "Is he or she marriage material? Can I see him or her being a father or mother to my children?" If the answer is no, that's the only one-to-one date you'll ever get with that guy/girl.
Recently a guy friend told me about hanging out with a single buddy, who talked at length about a woman from their church he'd been crushing on for months. "Why don't you ask her to coffee sometime?" my friend asked. The reply? "Well, I'd like to get to know her a bit more first. See if she'd say yes. And see if she really is marriage material."
I listened to my friend's story with a little bit of glee, glad that the phenomenon is equal opportunity. But I also felt dismay, thinking this is part of why there's a dating drought in Christian circles. We're paralyzed by seriousness and fear.
While the crazy-intense thinking about potential relationships—even potential dates—seems obviously over-the-top, I totally understand where it comes from. As Christians, at the end of the day—and date—we aren't looking for just a potential one-night stand or even a possible live-in love interest. As people of faith, we know the end game for dating is marriage. And that can be a lot to swallow along with that first-date latte.
In an age of casual sex and "starter marriages," it's great—not to mention, biblical—that we single Christians are taking matters of the heart so seriously. But I sometimes wonder if we're taking them a little too seriously. I have a friend who turned down a date invite because she couldn't picture the guy as the father of her children. Mind you, she'd just met him 5 minutes earlier. Surprised by how 1st impression counts. That's how important 1st impression is. And I've heard of guys who want to be completely sure a woman is their soulmate before even asking her to lunch. I hear these things and wonder how we're supposed to get into these relationships we value so highly at this rate.
I also suspect there's some fear at work here too. Fear that any step other then a slow march to the altar is outside of God's will and wrong. Fear of misleading someone and being labeled the villain of your singles group. Fear of revealing feelings and not having them returned. Fear of vulnerability, rejection, pain. But no matter how you approach them, relationships take risk.
And avoiding the risk often involves avoiding the relationship.
Below is an fascinating article by a female Christian writer I find rather amusing and insightful:
"To say my friend Jenny was excited would be an understatement.
This single sister had accepted an invite to a pre-service Starbucks gathering with a guy from her church. In anticipation of their outing, she'd gotten a manicure and a new blouse. And she'd told her mother.
As she recounted her elaborate preparations, I fought the urge to temper her enthusiasm. I was happy with her and for her, but I was a tad fearful she was getting too worked up. What if this was just a friendly get-together in the guy's mind? What if they didn't hit it off? At this rate, I knew my friend would be totally crushed. "It's not like he asked you to marry him," I wanted to say in soothing tones. "It's just coffee."
But then I remembered back several years earlier when I'd spent the better part of an afternoon in a mint-green facemask before meeting a male coworker at the dollar theater. And I may have changed clothes about five times before deciding on the just-right outfit.
Staring in the mirror while washing off the green goo, I remember telling myself to dial it down a couple notches. "It's just a casual movie outing. Relax." But at the time, it had been over a year since a guy had extended such an invite—or seemingly even noticed my existence. Finally, I'd breathed in relief after hanging up the phone from his call. And though most of me recognized that the thought was so premature it needed a whole new word other than premature, a little other part of me wondered if he could be "the one." It's just that when dating options don't come around very often, each one carries so much weight. So much pent-up hope. And so much pressure.
To make matters worse, it doesn't help that the male species can smell this 'sense of desperation' a mile away. And when they do, they run for the hills. But really, who can blame them, when on date one they sense a woman mentally picking out their China pattern and naming their future children? Unfortunately their understandable disappearance only furthers the datelessness that helped create the craziness in the first place—continuing the vicious cycle.
So in the past couple years I've focused on letting coffee be coffee. Not being cavalier with others' feelings or totally unexcited about dating prospects (I freely admit to purchasing a pair of flirty new shoes along the way). Just casualing it up a bit so there's more room to move. Not having to know a guy is my soulmate before agreeing to share mochas. Not plotting our future together on the drive to the Starbucks. Not having to know a guy is interested before sending him a breezy e-mail to test the relational waters.
The result? More male interaction—as I suspect they've sniffed out less seriousness and desperation. Less stress before these outings, and more of an ability to relax and just be myself when we're hanging out. Increasing courage to say "yes" and even to issue a few coffee shop invites of my own. And more confidence, as my "dating muscles" aren't quite as atrophied.
Just last month I met a guy for coffee. Did I deliberate a bit over what to wear? Sure. But there was no facemask and future planning. Just fun anticipation and prayers for God to guide, no matter what may start brewing along the way."
I've to agree with the writer that guys can sense the desperation in the opposite sex. Fact is: unless the urgency is a mutual feeling, it does drives men away. I realise over the years the reason for not settling down. One major fear of settling down with one is not marriage, not commitment... I was afraid I'd choose incorrectly. I was afraid I'd be wrong about the one I married. And thus, I was overly concerned about the choosing.
In a way, it's almost as if I was putting together a jigsaw puzzle and had one final space to fill—but many, many extra pieces in the box. Eagerly, I searched for that right piece. And instead of just trying them in the empty space, I held each one up for detailed analysis. Looking it over inch by inch, I checked the shape and size, and I tried to interpret the look, the markings, and the color—all to be sure it was indeed the one to even try in the space.
My prayer times also helped me realize my psycho puzzle search was keeping me from ever being content. I was just expecting too much—from myself, from God, and from the women I dated. My standards were too high. Of course, I'm not saying we should settle for just anyone—but I wasn't being realistic. By putting so much weight on every little quality of a woman—and by looking so hard for God's signs and the specific qualities I wanted—I could always find something that signaled this wasn't the right piece of the puzzle.
I also realized emotions can't always be trusted. Of course, emotions do speak to us in great ways. Regular happiness, secure comfort, or constant annoyance really do say a lot about the person creating those feelings in us. And God often speaks through how we feel. But momentary annoyance or anger or boredom isn't going to always "mean" something. Not only are emotions fleeting and unreliable, but love isn't immune from those things. My accountability partner at the time asked me, "Do you think I never get angry or annoyed with my wife? Sometimes, you'll be miserable."
What made a real difference in my mindset—and that specific dating relationship especially—was another realization. While I was too busy investigating whether this was the "right" puzzle piece, I forgot that love isn't a puzzle at all. It's not a search for one perfect piece or else all is lost. Instead, it's a mixture of following God's will, finding compatibility, and—the part I forgot—choosing to commit. Dating isn't about finding what you think may be the "right" puzzle piece and then holding your breath through the vows to see if you picked right. It's about choosing well (with an eye to compatibility, chemistry, and God's guidance) and then committing to make it work. Love says, "I'm gonna stick with this even if I'm angry at you. Even if I hate you right now. Even if I'm miserable. Even if I'm bored hanging out with you. I choose to love you."
With that realization, I felt tremendous freedom. No longer was I bound by undependable emotions or what I thought was the "right" one or not. Now, I could listen wholeheartedly to God, realistically evaluate my compatibility with the someone, and work to make our relationship the puzzle piece that fits.
Enjoy the companionship of your date. Relax, sit back, indulge in the lounge music and savour the coffee. It's just coffee, really.
Have you ever felt like you're being scrutinized or even, evaluated by the opposite sex? It's a weird feeling... looks, tick... humor, somewhat ok... stable job and income, barely make it... godly, tick... sense of responsibility, cross... drives a car, bonus points! From head to toes, the eyeballs rolled up and down. The eyeball-to-eyeball stare... feels like she can almost see through my thoughts. "How can I ditch her without her feeling lousy about herself."
I hated blind dates. The mental stress and heart palpatations before the date, only to return home hopes dashed. Talk about dealing with disappointments in life. Your mind is wrestling with the fact that what you thought she would be and how she is now, standing in front of you, in flesh and blood. Voices in your head you can't shut them off. But, she sounded all right on msn and on the phone. Drats! Looking at her now, she looked like she's in her thirties. Sigh. Somehow I wished guys don't go looks. Why can't we forgo the looks department... true beauty is not found skin deep. A friend told me once a coupl of years back, "You know, it's amazing I find man obsessed with finding the perfect one.The perfect one is a myth. IT doesn't exists. Look, human skin is only 2-3mm thick. Stripped off the skin, we basically all look the same, bloodied mass of flesh. Beneath our only 2-3mm skin, we look no different from one another. Color, skin condition, hair, looks is secondary." Words of wisdom. Sure, 'the inner beauty are more important than looks' and 'charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting' sermon. I remember that. Easier said than done. Guys are visual creatures. Stimulated by what we see, rather than the unseen. That's the way we're made and programmed by the great Creator. Personally, I admired those guys whose wives or girlfriends are erm... lesser 'visual-stimulating' than they are.
Coming back to blind dates. Not to mention the part where we've got to show the fake "You aren't what I've expected to be; but heck, it's only a meal and I need to pretend I'm still interested but there isn't really a chance I'll ever see her again in my life." smile.
A zillion electric currents bolted through the neurotic nerves in the grey matter.
"Quick Frank. Think of something intelligent to sustain the conversation. Don't look like an idiot just eating your food and keeping silent. Say something! Even though there seems to be no chemistry whatsoever. C'mon, there has to be something. Dig deeper." Your mind just went blank. Mental block. Execute Plan B.
You felt like confronting God, "Why did you let this happen to me? Is he or she really 'The One'?! What did I do to deserve this? I can't possibly accept this, Father. " Cracked your brains for creative excuses to get out of the place as soon as possible. "Oh, my friend just had a car accident. I need to rush to the hospital now. See ya!" "Oops, I've forgotten, I need to return the car to my brother later tonight as he is using it for a chalet. Keep in touch. By the way, don't call me... I will call you." When you got home, you just wanna hit the sack and hope that by the next morning, you'll forget the whole nightmarish episode. Rarely happens. As Forrest Gump cited, "Life's like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
During dates, we often come up with a pre-date checklist that we mentally tick against to make sure that he or she is "The One" ordained by God, sealed by fate, fused together by divine circumstances and bonded by a common destiny. The ultimate question boils down to: "Is he or she marriage material? Can I see him or her being a father or mother to my children?" If the answer is no, that's the only one-to-one date you'll ever get with that guy/girl.
Recently a guy friend told me about hanging out with a single buddy, who talked at length about a woman from their church he'd been crushing on for months. "Why don't you ask her to coffee sometime?" my friend asked. The reply? "Well, I'd like to get to know her a bit more first. See if she'd say yes. And see if she really is marriage material."
I listened to my friend's story with a little bit of glee, glad that the phenomenon is equal opportunity. But I also felt dismay, thinking this is part of why there's a dating drought in Christian circles. We're paralyzed by seriousness and fear.
While the crazy-intense thinking about potential relationships—even potential dates—seems obviously over-the-top, I totally understand where it comes from. As Christians, at the end of the day—and date—we aren't looking for just a potential one-night stand or even a possible live-in love interest. As people of faith, we know the end game for dating is marriage. And that can be a lot to swallow along with that first-date latte.
In an age of casual sex and "starter marriages," it's great—not to mention, biblical—that we single Christians are taking matters of the heart so seriously. But I sometimes wonder if we're taking them a little too seriously. I have a friend who turned down a date invite because she couldn't picture the guy as the father of her children. Mind you, she'd just met him 5 minutes earlier. Surprised by how 1st impression counts. That's how important 1st impression is. And I've heard of guys who want to be completely sure a woman is their soulmate before even asking her to lunch. I hear these things and wonder how we're supposed to get into these relationships we value so highly at this rate.
I also suspect there's some fear at work here too. Fear that any step other then a slow march to the altar is outside of God's will and wrong. Fear of misleading someone and being labeled the villain of your singles group. Fear of revealing feelings and not having them returned. Fear of vulnerability, rejection, pain. But no matter how you approach them, relationships take risk.
And avoiding the risk often involves avoiding the relationship.
Below is an fascinating article by a female Christian writer I find rather amusing and insightful:
"To say my friend Jenny was excited would be an understatement.
This single sister had accepted an invite to a pre-service Starbucks gathering with a guy from her church. In anticipation of their outing, she'd gotten a manicure and a new blouse. And she'd told her mother.
As she recounted her elaborate preparations, I fought the urge to temper her enthusiasm. I was happy with her and for her, but I was a tad fearful she was getting too worked up. What if this was just a friendly get-together in the guy's mind? What if they didn't hit it off? At this rate, I knew my friend would be totally crushed. "It's not like he asked you to marry him," I wanted to say in soothing tones. "It's just coffee."
But then I remembered back several years earlier when I'd spent the better part of an afternoon in a mint-green facemask before meeting a male coworker at the dollar theater. And I may have changed clothes about five times before deciding on the just-right outfit.
Staring in the mirror while washing off the green goo, I remember telling myself to dial it down a couple notches. "It's just a casual movie outing. Relax." But at the time, it had been over a year since a guy had extended such an invite—or seemingly even noticed my existence. Finally, I'd breathed in relief after hanging up the phone from his call. And though most of me recognized that the thought was so premature it needed a whole new word other than premature, a little other part of me wondered if he could be "the one." It's just that when dating options don't come around very often, each one carries so much weight. So much pent-up hope. And so much pressure.
To make matters worse, it doesn't help that the male species can smell this 'sense of desperation' a mile away. And when they do, they run for the hills. But really, who can blame them, when on date one they sense a woman mentally picking out their China pattern and naming their future children? Unfortunately their understandable disappearance only furthers the datelessness that helped create the craziness in the first place—continuing the vicious cycle.
So in the past couple years I've focused on letting coffee be coffee. Not being cavalier with others' feelings or totally unexcited about dating prospects (I freely admit to purchasing a pair of flirty new shoes along the way). Just casualing it up a bit so there's more room to move. Not having to know a guy is my soulmate before agreeing to share mochas. Not plotting our future together on the drive to the Starbucks. Not having to know a guy is interested before sending him a breezy e-mail to test the relational waters.
The result? More male interaction—as I suspect they've sniffed out less seriousness and desperation. Less stress before these outings, and more of an ability to relax and just be myself when we're hanging out. Increasing courage to say "yes" and even to issue a few coffee shop invites of my own. And more confidence, as my "dating muscles" aren't quite as atrophied.
Just last month I met a guy for coffee. Did I deliberate a bit over what to wear? Sure. But there was no facemask and future planning. Just fun anticipation and prayers for God to guide, no matter what may start brewing along the way."
I've to agree with the writer that guys can sense the desperation in the opposite sex. Fact is: unless the urgency is a mutual feeling, it does drives men away. I realise over the years the reason for not settling down. One major fear of settling down with one is not marriage, not commitment... I was afraid I'd choose incorrectly. I was afraid I'd be wrong about the one I married. And thus, I was overly concerned about the choosing.
In a way, it's almost as if I was putting together a jigsaw puzzle and had one final space to fill—but many, many extra pieces in the box. Eagerly, I searched for that right piece. And instead of just trying them in the empty space, I held each one up for detailed analysis. Looking it over inch by inch, I checked the shape and size, and I tried to interpret the look, the markings, and the color—all to be sure it was indeed the one to even try in the space.
My prayer times also helped me realize my psycho puzzle search was keeping me from ever being content. I was just expecting too much—from myself, from God, and from the women I dated. My standards were too high. Of course, I'm not saying we should settle for just anyone—but I wasn't being realistic. By putting so much weight on every little quality of a woman—and by looking so hard for God's signs and the specific qualities I wanted—I could always find something that signaled this wasn't the right piece of the puzzle.
I also realized emotions can't always be trusted. Of course, emotions do speak to us in great ways. Regular happiness, secure comfort, or constant annoyance really do say a lot about the person creating those feelings in us. And God often speaks through how we feel. But momentary annoyance or anger or boredom isn't going to always "mean" something. Not only are emotions fleeting and unreliable, but love isn't immune from those things. My accountability partner at the time asked me, "Do you think I never get angry or annoyed with my wife? Sometimes, you'll be miserable."
What made a real difference in my mindset—and that specific dating relationship especially—was another realization. While I was too busy investigating whether this was the "right" puzzle piece, I forgot that love isn't a puzzle at all. It's not a search for one perfect piece or else all is lost. Instead, it's a mixture of following God's will, finding compatibility, and—the part I forgot—choosing to commit. Dating isn't about finding what you think may be the "right" puzzle piece and then holding your breath through the vows to see if you picked right. It's about choosing well (with an eye to compatibility, chemistry, and God's guidance) and then committing to make it work. Love says, "I'm gonna stick with this even if I'm angry at you. Even if I hate you right now. Even if I'm miserable. Even if I'm bored hanging out with you. I choose to love you."
With that realization, I felt tremendous freedom. No longer was I bound by undependable emotions or what I thought was the "right" one or not. Now, I could listen wholeheartedly to God, realistically evaluate my compatibility with the someone, and work to make our relationship the puzzle piece that fits.
Enjoy the companionship of your date. Relax, sit back, indulge in the lounge music and savour the coffee. It's just coffee, really.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Reminiscing 911
It began with an appalling image, the north tower of the World Trade Center spewing black smoke into a cloudless September sky.The face of terror has never been so real, at least for myself, whom pre-Sept 11, finds 'terrorism' an unfamiliar phrase confined only to the boundaries of war-torn Middle Eastern nations. The triumph of human spirit coming from numerous testimonies of heroic, self-sacrificial acts has never been so real either. Survivors, victims' families, emergency workers and city officials united for a single day in history.
For millions of people alive today the most significant political event of their lifetimes will be the destruction of the World Trade Center on September 11th 2001.
It was, without question, the day the world changed... the day where henceforth, time will forever be distinguished as Pre or Post 911.
I still remembered vividly that fateful night 5 years ago... watching the horror 'live' on CNN unfold before my eyes. I was in my room at that time when the first plane hit the North Tower. My dad called me out to the living room. We stayed glued to the television set. History was made that defining day. Anyone who has watched it will be shocked at the unimaginable destruction. The sight of office workers dropping off the WTC Towers will be etched in my memory forever. Thoughts were racing, "What made these people want to end their lives like that?" Something terrible and untolerable I guess.
"It didn't seem real." said a survivor. Yet it cannot be further away from the truth. The Twin Towers became a cementary for almost 3,000 innocent souls.
CNA was broadcasting a 2-part series on 911 where the film producers collected and constructed real stories of what happened to people trapped in the WTC Towers and those who went in to save them. The unbelief, shock, panic, disorientation and fear of the office occupants of the torched, smoke-filled buildings were apparent enough. You see them trying to open jammed doors, navigating though debris, making your way crowded, dark smokey, stairways (more than 200 flights of stairs each and making phone calls to loved ones, clueless what had just taken place.
The individual agony, anguish and humanity of those involved is now brought to life through that immersive drama-documentary. Unsung heroes responded to their calling. Jan Demczur, the window cleaner who managed to save the lives of his fellow elevator passengers by unimaginable methods; and the firefighters who so bravely entered the towers, many of whom never returned. One extraordinary story that struck me involved Stanley Praimnath and Brian Park; 2 men who had never met until that day but whose friendship, faith and steely determination meant that they both survived.
"It was the first time I cried like a baby.... I've never received compassion like that before.... a total stranger." recalled Stanley Praimnath.
Tuesday, September 11, 2001, began like any other day for Bethel Assembly of God deacon and Sunday school superintendent Stanley Praimnath of Elmont, Long Island. He got up early, took a shower, prayed, got ready and headed for work. The drive was uneventful. The train ride was the same. Yet, this day he would see the hand of God spare his life. "For some particular reason, I gave the Lord a little extra of myself that morning [during prayer]," Stanley said. "I said, 'Lord, cover me and all my loved ones under your precious blood.' And even though I said that and believed it, I said it over and over and over.
Stanley worked as an assistant vice president in the Loans Operations Department, Fuji Bank Limited. That morning, Stantley went to work at his office located at WTC South Tower/Tower 2, 81st floor. He wanted to evacuate his office building when the 1st plane had hit Tower 1.
However, Stanley returned back to his office desk after the security guard told him Tower 2 was secure (talk about bad advice) after the 1st plane crashed into Tower1. He found his office phone was ringing."It was someone from Chicago calling to find out if I'm watching the news," he said.
He told the caller everything "was fine." But everything wasn't fine--far from it. As Stanley was talking, he looked up and saw American Airlines Flight 11 heading straight for him. "All I can see is this big gray plane, with red letters on the wing and on the tail, bearing down on me," said Stanley. "But this thing is happening in slow motion. The plane appeared to be like 100 yards away, I said "Lord, you take control, I can't help myself here." Stanley then dove under his desk. "My Testament [Bible] was on top of my desk," explained Stanley. "I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Lord was going to take care of me once I got there." As he curled into a fetal position under his desk, the plane tore into the side of the building and exploded. Miraculously, Stanley was unhurt. However, he could see a flaming wing of the plane in the doorway of his department. He knew he needed to get out of his office and the building fast. But, he was trapped under debris up to his shoulders. "Lord, you take control, this is your problem now," he recalled praying. "I don't know where I got this power from, but the good Lord, He gave me so much power and strength in my body that I was able to shake everything off. I felt like I was the strongest man alive." All the while, Stanley was asking to the Lord to spare his life. "I'm crying and I'm praying, 'Lord, I have things to do..., I want to see my family, Lord, help me through.' " Stanley's office resembled a battle zone--walls flattened into dusty heaps, office equipment strewn violently, flames flickering about and rubble everywhere. "Everything I'm trying to climb on [to get out] is collapsing and I'm going down," he said. "I'm getting cuts and bruises, but I'm saying, "Lord, I have to go home to my loved ones, I have to make it, You have to help me."
Suddenly Stanley saw the light of a flashlight. For a moment, it stunned him. "What were the chances of someone bringing a flashlight to this floor?," he thought. "My first gut reaction was, 'This is my guardian angel--my Lord sent somebody to save me!' " Stanley began screaming, "I see the light, I see the light." But after clawing his way through the debris, he realized that he couldn't get out--all the exits were blocked and his "guardian angel" couldn't get to him--a wall was between him and the staircase. "He can't get to me and I can't get to him, and by this time I can't breathe," Stanley said. "I don't know if it was sulfur or what [burning jet fuel, perhaps], but I can smell this thing. I got down on my knees and said, "Lord, you've got to help me. You've brought me this far, help me to get to the staircase." But then Stanley did something surprising. While praying on his knees, Stanley called out to the man behind the wall, "There's one thing I got to know, do you know Jesus?" The man replied he went to church every Sunday. Then they prayed together to enable them to break through the wall. "I got up, and I felt as if a power came over me," said Stanley. "I felt goose bumps all over my body and I'm trembling, and I said to the wall, 'You're going to be no match for me and my Lord."
Moments later, he punched his way through the wall and, with the help of the man on the other side, was able to squirm his way through the hole in the wall. "The guy held me and embraced me and he gave me a kiss and he said, 'From today, you're my brother for life.' " But the danger wasn't over. The man on the other side of the wall, who introduced himself as Brian, was an older gentleman and they still had 81 floors to walk down, with the building on fire and, unknown to them, in danger of collapse. "We hobbled our way down, and at every floor we stopped to see if anybody was there, but nobody was..., but a man was on the floor, and his back was gone, and he was covered in blood." Stanley asked to be allowed to carry the man out, but a security guard told him it would be better to send somebody up. When they finally made it down to the concourse, only firefighters were there. "They were saying, 'Run! Run! Run!', they were telling us to run out, but they were not concerned about themselves," he said. Stanley and Brian would have ran from the building, but now the concourse was surrounded with fire. Wetting themselves under the building's sprinkler system, they held hands and ran through the flames to safety to Trinity Church about two blocks away. "I wanted to go to the church to thank God," Stanley explained, "As soon as I held onto the gate of that church, the building [World Trade Center Tower Two] collapsed." Stanley and Brian made there way safely out of the danger area. Before they parted, Stanley gave his business card to Brian in hopes of contact at a later time, and said, "If I don't see you, I'll see you in heaven."
Cut and bloodied, with clothes tattered and wearing a borrowed shirt, Stanley finally made it home hours later to his wife Jennifer and his two girls, Stephanie (age 8) and Caitlin (age 4). "I held my wife and my two children and we cried," said Stanley. After thanking God for sparing his life, Stanley told God whatever he did, it will always be for His glory. "I'm so sore, but every waking moment, I say 'Lord, had you not been in control, I would not have made it.' "For some divine reason, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the good Lord's mighty hand turned the plane a fraction from where I was standing," said Stanley. "Because when it crash-landed, it was just 20 feet from me. I don't care who would rationalize--what people would say now or years from now, but I know it was the handiwork of the Lord that turned that plane.
Sept 11... the day the American Symbol was reduced to ashes... New York, Lower Manhanttan skyline was transformed... terror reared its ugly head for all to witness... Osama Bin Ladin and terrorism became synonymous and the day the world awoke from its slumber and took notice of oppressed Middle Eastern Islamic organisations and 'security' became an overused word for international event organisers and personnel of key installations. What a difference a day makes!
In an instant, fate decreed who had the opportunity to escape and who did not. Amazingly, some chose to stay behind and not leave their offices immediately after the first plane crashes. They didn't know. Sounds ridiculous? Many just thought it was an explosion in the building.
Man lives are no longer in their own hands anymore. Nothing could have prepare those men and women for what took place that day. So who decides who to live and who to die? Definitely not you or me. Can you ever imagine in your wildest dreams that on a typical Tuesday you left for work, a plane is going to hit your office, deliberately? Before Sept 11, nobody did. Can you fathom the intricacies and mysteries of life? I can't.
No insurance could compensate the loss of a grieving family. It's been 5 years... yet some families are still coming to grips with the pain and hollow left after 911. "I actually didn't want to have the service[funeral] for Dave until his body was found, but as time passed it seemed harder to explain to my son," said Fontana's (a NY firefighter) widow, Marian.
Life could end in an instant. We do not know how long we have on this earth. We could have 60 or 70 or 80 years to live... OR, only 24 hours to live.
Are you certain of the place you're heading when you depart from here? Somewhat certain? 60-70% sure? Whatever religious beliefs you have, just make sure you do.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
NDP 2006
2 dudes chilling out as the curtains shut for the last time; bringing a deserved closure to an era of memories spent at the Grand Old DameNDP 2006
Kenneth posing amongst the dispersing crowds; biding a fonding farewell to National Stadium
NDP 2006
What's an NDP without fireworks... There you go... brief spectacular display... sorrie... only 1 picture taken... was enraptured by its brilliant splendor... last min then rem to take photo...
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
NDP 2006
Overwhelmed by the occasion? A wide-eyed boy with a stunned look and S'pore national flag on his face. My best shot of the day! Cheers!
NDP 2006
Clapsticks were the assigned 'weapon' that evening. Great... saved the crowd from going home with sore palms. Looks good on national television as well. Those swaying, inflated tubes...
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